I have hope.

I have hope

I have hope that I am a good person in spite of my mistakes...

I have hope that things are going to be ok...

I have hope that what I have been raised to believe is truth...

I have hope that I can become better every day...

I have hope that those I love most know just how much I truly do love them...

I have hope that broken hearts can mend...

I have hope that I can become closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ...

I have hope that the scriptures are the truth that I believe them to be...

I believe (there is no hope in this one) prayers are heard and answered...

I have hope that I am deserving of the many blessings I am given everyday...

I have hope that there is still good in the world if we look for it...

I have hope that patience and understanding are possible and will be the things that keep me going...

I have hope that I can finish this phase of life and be successful...

I have hope that time really is a remedy for resolution...

I have hope that example speaks to hearts more than words...

Yes, I have hope.

And the bubble is popped.

You know those moments of temporary euphoria where you think something wonderful is happening, and then in a matter of (usually very little) time that hopeful and excited feeling is quite horribly slaughtered? Well, that moment is now.

This post originally had every intention of going something along the lines of:

"Everyone STOP. Pause. Don't move. Brianne currently has a 3.7 GPA for the semester and is worried that too much excitement on anybody's part may in fact scare it away so please revel in its glory, but try not to make any sudden movements."

You know, something like that.

But.
Yes, there is definitely a but in this story.

And perhaps I should have prefaced with the little tid-bit about how I have never in my life had a 3.7 GPA....ever. Well, this morning as I went to check my grades one more time....my joyful bubble fizzled into a heap of..well, popped bubble. I went down through the list of classes and grades

Ed Psych: A
Special Education: A
Africa: B
Renaissance: B
Civil War: A...wha-what? B?!
Ed principles: A...WHAT! A D?!

Yes, it's true people. 2 A's have become a B and D in a matter of days... DAYS! Really?! Naturally you can imagine that I am completely confused and, well, let's be honest here, pretty heated. Anger isn't going to get me anywhere however, and it's only the middle of the semester so there is every possibility that my beautiful 3.7 can become a reality....likely? Honesty again? Eh, probably not. But we'll aim high I suppose. It was nice while it lasted..

Confessions.

Confession: sometimes I watch the Disney channel and laugh my butt off

Confession: sometimes I come to my own blog just to listen to my music playlist

Confession: sometimes I stay up WAY too late when I know I have to wake up early the next morning because I thought of something I feel is surely too important to wait until the next day

Confession: sometimes I drink water and spill it all down the front of myself, wipe it off, and then do it again about 2 minutes later

Confession: The fact that each of these things happened tonight puts a smile on my face.

Thank you, and goodnight.

The Holidays.

Before I get into this post, I must first preface with Ahhh it feels good to be back to this place that is all mine, writing whatever I feel like talking about, and temporarily escaping the reality of my hectic life. I love this journal...

That being said, there has clearly been an extended absence between my last post and now, and I have a lot of long overdue good times that need to be shared. The first of which would be: The Holidays. I loved every second of my two weeks at home! I must say that two weeks was not enough though seeing as the days were filled with best friends and gingerbread houses, grandparents visiting, baking millions of treats, a fabulous Christmas morning, family games, bowling....ya know, I feel the many pictures are self explanatory, so without further ado...

Now, what you're about to see is what we like to call History (almost) in the making. Yes, that would be a frame of ALL (but one) STRIKES! (Sorry mom, we still love you) :]

Maddie was angry she couldn't play the adult games...

It wouldn't be a McArthur get together without a few attempts at acrobatics

And it wouldn't be Christmas (or Grandpa in general) without a little random snoozing with a book in hand.

Needless to say, it was a fabulous Christmas.
I love my family!

Everything is going to be alright.

My mom has always told me to take each day as it comes and not worry about the things that are out of my control..

As I start another semester I am once again bombarded by all the things I need to do and buy by a certain time, the reality of a serious lack of funds in my sad little college student bank account, and a schedule so jam packed I feel like I don't even have time to think anymore. In a nut shell, I am starting to feel the overwhelming challenge of stress take over (and those who know me, know that I do not handle this stress thing very well.) Regardless, I am back in Rexburg for another 3 1/2 months of studying history, history, history, education..oh yeah, and a little more history. Don't get me wrong, I love history (I better anyways since I'm now in it for the long haul) but it's definitely a major that requires reading assignments upon reading assignments and writing research papers what feels like constantly so, needless to say, I'm getting a little tired. That finish line known as 'graduation' is close, but seems to be approaching at a snails pace. Now, I realize this all sounds negative, so I should probably clarify by saying I am completely grateful to be able to receive an education at this university, and I know it will all be worth it when I am holding that diploma and teaching in my own classroom... so as for now all I can do is trudge along and take things one day at a time.

I guess the conclusion I've drawn in all of this (get ready for it mom) is that my mom is right. Things are a lot easier taken a day at a time and some things are out of our control so there's really no need to worry about them or let them get you down. Sure, I am still completely overwhelmed and constantly worrying, but everything is going to be alright...it will.

Bring it on semester.

I just love when people do things that truly show they know and care about who you are.
Last night I returned home in a bit of a tizzy from a long and stressful day of class, homework, meetings, problems with the library, work, and everything else that is crazy and inclusive in finals week. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I also knew my visiting teachers were supposed to come and that I was late so I rushed inside, and to my great surprise, there on the table, was the most magnificent and beautiful cake I have ever seen. Our visiting teachers have been so great to us this semester, and they definitely took the time to show us they were listening as we so often ranted and raved about our love for both Michael Jackson and Red Velvet cake since they COMBINED THE TWO! It is so delicious and we were a little sad to have to cut it up so we had to take pictures to document the occasion before we did so. Mmmm, perfection.

Here we go a caroling.

Tonight we had a ward closing social planned that I honestly was not even remotely looking forward to. This social consisted of caroling door to door in 3 degree weather for canned goods to donate to the Idaho Foodbank. I was not excited in the least, but I knew as a last hoo-rah before the semester ended (and as FHE mom) I should go. So after sufficiently bundling up in 6 layers of sweaters and jackets, leggings under my jeans, and a fuzzy hat not unlike Elmer Fudd's, we ended up having a great time! We were laughing and dancing and bonding with our FHE sisters (since the guys copped out on us) and in the end were rewarded with a nice warm Christmas dinner with the ward and actually won a gargantuan bag of Starbursts for collecting the most food (118 pieces all together to be exact). It was cold, yes, but it was very worth it. Passing along the Christmas spirit was a boost to both the people we sang to and ourselves. I love this holiday season and the happiness that is in the air everywhere you go!

Today

There comes a day towards the end of every semester when I conclude that it was a really poor choice for me to skip all those days of class. The day when I sit there with a dazed and confused look on my face because I have absolutely no idea what the teacher is talking about. The day when I sit in class and realize I still don't know anyone. The day when my insides start to contort at the thought of how doomed I am for the final that is quickly coming up for that class. The day when I wonder why I even signed up for that class in the first place. The day I near breaking point, but know it's my own fault that I am not as prepared as I could be.

today is that day.

Finals are going to be the end of me.

grim reality

Today's weather forecast for Rexburg, Idaho: 7 degrees.
Today's weather forecast for Antarctica: 33 degrees.

It is moments of realization like this when I really question my choice to go to school in such a frigid and brutal town. The sun is shining, the sky is perfectly cloudless and blue, and yet, it's all a facade. Everything hurts as I walk to my classes..my nose, my ears, my lips, my hands. We are doing a secret Santa within our apartment, and I find it sad that 3 out of the 5 of us asked for gloves. Need I further emphasize my dislike for winter and cold? No, I think I will leave it at that.

and therefore it was important to Him..

My Heavenly Father is so prevalent in my life and I feel it's important to share the experiences that I have as evidence of His love. I share this as both a reminder to myself of His presence and purest love, and also in hopes that my testimony can in some way benefit others with open hearts.

So this evening I lost something very trivial and seemingly unimportant (a new contact lens to be exact) and I was very frustrated that I knew I had brought it into the apartment but couldn't find it anywhere. I searched in every pocket of my jackets and jeans, through the many pockets of my purse, in the couch cushions, and the bags we threw in the trash earlier, but I could not find it. I was really starting to stress out when it came to me that I should pray to my Heavenly Father to help me find it. Of course I felt like my plea was insignificant in the scheme of things but I plead to my Father anyways to help me know where to look. In that moment I grabbed my jacket (which I had already searched through thoroughly several times) and headed out to my car with my hands in my pockets. I searched through my car frantically, finding nothing of course, but as I shut the door and hit the lock button to head back inside, I reached in my pocket as I walked away and wrapped my hand around that little contact case, and in that moment a smile came across my face and a realization came to me of the unfailing kindness and love of my Father in Heaven.

I know that this is something simple and in reality pretty minor, but tonight I had a testimony builder of the presence of my Father in Heaven in my life, and His willingness to bless me with the things I desire after if I will just come to Him and ask. He knew that it was important to me and therefore it was important to Him. He loves me, He loves you, and He will never leave us to do things on our own. The Church is true!