change.

It is because of a profoundly simple and perfectly timed post by a dear friend that I am compelled to write this post. She shared her heart's thoughts, and now I want to share mine. She wrote:

"Change is an opportunity to continue to learn, struggle is the fact that we recognize learning is hard, and happiness is when we continue to move forward despite our difficulties."

Mmm, perfect words. Words that I needed today. Change is imperative in my life right now. Some changes weren't planned, nor was I entirely prepared for them. Others have been repeatedly postponed as my stubborn and reluctant heart embraced the simplicity of hiding behind my pride. Reality continuously stares me in the face and tells my heart it's time for these changes. Things aren't always going to be easy, especially for someone like me who doesn't embrace change well, but it is an opportunity to continue to learn. Learn lessons about life and where I'm heading. Lessons about love: what it really is, who I will allow myself to love and who will love me in return, and what I am supposed to gain from love's failures. Lessons about who I am; my goals, my talents, my imperfections, my ambitions. Many of these lessons will be slowly learned. Some will come with tears and an inevitable feeling of defeat and heartache. Some will come with blissful moments of sheer joy and gratitude for impeccably timed and completely unexpected blessings. Change invokes lessons, lessons can be hard to learn, but happiness is waiting on the other side. I'm taking the first step to change what isn't necessary, isn't working, and isn't progressing in my life. 

for a reason.

The thought has been on my mind lately, that people come into our lives for a reason, be it positive or negative. I've heard it said a million times. People will love us, hate us, inspire us, degrade us, teach us, help us, and hurt us. It's life. It's how it works. Even when we can't see the reason in the moment, people do come into our lives for a reason. 


I've had a few of those people on my mind recently. I've been digging to find just what that reason might have been with some, and counting the many clear reasons with others. Here's a bit of what I've learned:

• Timing can be everything. Sometimes it's the timing that isn't right, and causes people to fall out of our lives even when we don't feel ready to lose them. The ones that are supposed to be in our lives will eventually drift back in. The ones that stay gone, came and went for a purpose. It's discovering that purpose which often helps us to cope with their leaving.
• People inspire me. Whether it's their energy, creativity, selflessness, encouragement, spontaneity, perseverance, generosity, tenacity, fearlessness, or simply their kindness. I find myself dreaming of new opportunities and growing from these people's influence in my life.
• Love is complicated. I tend to fall easily into it and struggle to fall out of it. I believe I can say I've truly been in love. I know I can say I've had my heart broken. I've learned life lessons from love. I've felt butterflies from love. I've cried myself to sleep and truly felt pain, because of love. Most importantly, I've learned lessons in love. I know more about myself because of love, and more about what I want and deserve from a person that I love. Oh yes, LOVE is complicated. 
• Some people know me better than I know myself. I've already established that I'm a dreamer, and yet so many people in my life know how to keep me grounded and focused. They help me see the practicality in things. They help me to keep dreaming when one of my dreams falls through. They plant seeds in my head, but allow them to grow according to my own timing. They've seen me in my darkest of dark times. They help me remember who I am deep down, even when I seem to have forgotten. 

People have recently come into my life, fallen out of my life, inspired me, broken my heart, and reopened my eyes to things that make me me. I can't help but wonder who I may lose in the future, or who has yet to come into my life, but everyone does come into our lives for a reason. Of that, I am certain.  

home.

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, 

and grow old wanting to get back to"

How true those words really are.

I am so blessed to have grown up in such an amazing and beautiful place. A place that every teenager resents for its lack of entertainment and cold winters, and counts down the days to get out of. A place that we all come back to later on and brag about how wonderful it was to grow up in, embracing the pride that develops once a long enough separation inflicts that longing to go back.

I'm sure everyone feels the same way about their own hometowns, but mine really is the greatest. A home in the mountains with a lake and ski resort basically in my back yard. A home with summers so beautiful they warm your soul and cause all bitter memories of the cold winters to dissipate (just in time for another winter to roll in, but that's beside the point.) My hometown doesn't have big skyscrapers or fancy clubs. It doesn't have chain restaurants and Redboxes on every corner. It doesn't have a movie theater, bowling alley, or shopping mall. No, my hometown has a deer, fox, or bear on every corner. My hometown has cliff jumping and water skiing. My hometown has Winter Carnival, beautiful sunsets and family owned businesses. My hometown is a small family of long-time friends who have made me who I am today. 

My hometown is McCall, Idaho.

It's so good to be HOME this summer. 

I am so excited to be living at home in the mountains this summer, spending time with lifelong friends and creating more great memories. So far I've been job searching and catching up with old friends and classmates, and what I've learned is that no matter where we all go or what we all do with our lives, we have one common thing that ties us to each other: this is home. 

the next few months.

Back in Boise and back to teaching at Vallivue High School, back to going to bed at 9 o'clock, and back to feeling exhausted all day everyday. I'm almost done with week one, and it's definitely extremely hard to go from 5 weeks of vacation and relaxing, to waking up at 6 am and dealing with the crazy kids who are mentally checked out and eager for summer. I can't say I'm not antsy for summer vacation as well, but it's definitely a lot easier to stick with it when I know I'm now getting paid!

Outside of the school, I'm making plans and preparing for an amazing summer at home in the mountains. McCall is calling my name, and I am beyond excited to be spending several months with my best friends in the place that will always be home. After the summer, I don't know exactly what my plans are yet.

 It's scary. 

It's exciting. 

It's stressful. 

But most of all it's my life and my decision and I can go do anything, anywhere. 

Figuring it all out is half the journey, but living it will be everything. 

denmark & sweden.

This is a post I've been excited to do since the day I booked my airline tickets to Denmark a couple of months ago! I flew out March 27th to Copenhagen, Denmark to spend an amazing ten days with my good friend (and soulmate) Amy Meilsoe. It took a little bit of adjusting to the humidity, the lack of sunshine, and the 8 hour time change (which effectively took about 5 days of staying up until 3am and sleeping until noon), but I now believe, more than ever, that I was absolutely made for European living.

On the first day we took a train across the bridge to Malmo, Sweden, and did a lot of shopping...

We went to the Rosenborg Castle which had thousands of artifacts from the last several centuries of royalty in Denmark, as well as the crown jewels which were absolutely beautiful!

 You should know, these guys with the machine guns had one of the most boring jobs ever, and I almost got ran over by some guards in training. We used our stealthiness to sneak a picture of them, though.

 We assume these were something of a royal version of action figures for the prince. Even if that is totally false, it sounded good to us and they were gorgeous!

 This was obviously for dad.

 Our thrones. 

 The Queen's crown...which Amy called dibs on.

 And I got the King's (two) crowns, which were absolutely gorgeous.

The Queen's ring collection was gorgeous, and luckily we called those at the same time...

 These, however, are all mine.

We walked over to the Amalienborg Castle afterwards, which is the current Queen's palace. It was basically four elaborate buildings in a circle, guarded by even fancier dressed men with machine guns. We got a little bit lost trying to find our way from the Rosenborg Castle, but through the use of our handy maps of the city (which saved our butts on several occasions), following other citizens with that 'tourist' look, and temporary concern over being 'kifed' by the ticket salesman at the first castle, we eventually found our way to the palace and the Queen Ingrid exhibit.  

Copenhagen is famous for it's colored buildings along the coast where the author, Hans Christian Anderson, grew up and wrote many of his famous stories. This was one of the things I knew for certain I had to see while I was in Denmark, and Nyhavn is definitely as bright and vivid in person as it is in the pictures. I absolutely love it!

Another popular attraction in Denmark is the Little Mermaid statue along the coast. Lucky for us, she had just gotten back to Denmark from being on loan to an exhibit in China. The famous story of the Little Mermaid was written by Hans Christian Anderson in 1837 in Denmark, and this small statue was a must-see on the trip. 

 We had to document one of our many pit-stops along the way. These were a regular occurrence for us as we underestimated the distance to different sites, got lost along the way, and are just plain tuckered out when we get out and do things...luckily we found a train station closer to here so we didn't have to venture all the way back to Norreport. 

We did decide to go into the city on Saturday night with the intention of going to a hot club and dancing the night away. For those of you who know Amy and I, this is a big deal in itself. Once we got to the train station, however, we decided to just go walk around and observe the nightlife a little bit. After walking around (and might I mention I was wearing Erin's heels which made my feet feel like death), and being hit on multiple times by the same not-so-attractive men, and disturbingly being asked by some danish teens if we'd like to see more 'meat', we decided we'd had enough of the night-life and headed home. We looked pretty hot while doing it though!

Our last day walking around Stroget (the walking streets with every type of shopping and restaurants you could ask for), I convinced Amy to get her ear pierced at a little tattoo shop by a woman with so many piercings and tattoos (including the word 'Horror' across her forehead), and visited one of the many Lego stores of Denmark, which was actually a lot more exciting than I'd thought it would be. These people were amazing!

Christian also told us we had to stop and see the Church of Our Lady which held the original Christus statue that the church has replicated in all of our Visiting Centers around the world. The church was located down a tiny alley near Stroget, and had we not been looking for it, we never would have even known it was there. It was a beautiful, massive building with domed ceilings and giant statues of the Twelve Apostles along each side. I felt almost irreverent being there and taking pictures while people sat in the pews with their rosaries and saying prayers, but I am so glad that we went.

This was a trip of a lifetime that I enjoyed every second of, and will never forget. I am so glad I got to experience all of this, and especially with Ames. I already knew that I loved Europe, but this trip just reinforced my passion for it, and my desire to live there at some point. I spent way too much money, walked everywhere, ate a lot of bread and butter, drank a lot of delicious saft, and felt so much closer to history (thank you Amy for putting up with my inner history nerd). It was a blast and I can't wait to go back! 

it's an exciting time.

New things are in store for my future. 

Kyleur and I graduated from Brigham Young University-Idaho on April 8th, which means we are officially degree holding college graduates, and we now have every opportunity and option before us. It was really special to be able to graduate together and share this experience with our family and friends. Thank you to everyone who came to support us, and to those of you who I know send your love and support from a distance. We love you guys and appreciate you all in our lives. 

It's an exciting time for both of us. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do now that I've got my degree, and the options are essentially endless at this point. Deep down, I know I want to end up living abroad for awhile to get the travel bug out my system, so I'm leaning towards getting my TESL certification and teaching English in another country. I feel really good about it right now, and I know it would be an amazing experience for me. In the meantime, I am heading back to McCall for the summer to spend time in my hometown with old friends quite possibly for the last time. 

I feel good about where my life is right now. I have plenty of options and, quite honestly, it's a little scary not knowing just what the future holds or where I'm headed, but I think that's what makes it so exciting. I can do anything I dream up, go wherever the wind takes me, become whoever I want to become. I know my family doesn't want me to pick up and go somewhere far away, but I know if I don't get out and live and accomplish my goals while I'm still young and able, I'll regret it for the rest of my life. So who knows where I'll end up and what I'll do, but the beauty is, it doesn't matter where or what, it only matters that I do it. 

here goes.

I have (yet again) been horrible the last few months about keeping this thing up to date, and the more I think about it, the more I regret not staying on top of it. I want this to be my journal. Yes, this is for all of you who read it and want to keep up on what's going on in my life, but first and foremost this blog is for me. I made it to keep my thoughts, experiences, and dreams written down, and so far it hasn't been much of a success. So this is my formal declaration that I will be better about writing. Some days may be short and sweet, but that's life, not everyday is bursting with exciting news. Hopefully I will be able to stick with it this time...here goes.

Realizations.

     Those who know me well know that I could easily, and probably very well should be, classified as a dreamer. I like to come up with ideas of things I think I'd like to do, and usually I run with those ideas for a good while, until I dream up another something new and exciting. It's gotten to the point that people rarely take me seriously because I rarely follow through with any of these ideas. I'm a big talker. A hopeful. A fantasist. Yes, I am a dreamer.

      I can honestly say that I am about to graduate with my bachelor's degree, and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm one of those. Some days I think I want to be a writer. Other days I want to work in a big city in some high profile, corporate position. Sometimes I think I want to move somewhere far away and completely new, but then strong waves of realization remind me I'm a homebody and couldn't be far away from the people I love. When it comes down to it, I don't know what I want to do with my life but, when it comes down to it, I think that's okay. I've still got time. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, right? When the right dream comes along, I like to think I'll be able to tell. I'll snatch it down and make it happen, but for now, I'm a dreamer.

     That being said, I've also come to the realization lately that I need to make some changes. I don't necessarily like the person I am right now. I think, sometimes, we get so far into a hole that we don't even realize we're in one. Some holes are easy to get out of, but then some of them become a part of us after enough time until we lose sight of an exit. I'm in a hole. I can admit that. If I'm being completely honest, I think I've got myself stuck in several holes right now. Some of these holes have taken me further away from the things I know are most important to my heart. My Savior. The gospel. The happiness and security that comes with the steadiness of the truth I was brought up in. Is it possible that when we separate ourselves from something long enough, we lose any sense of remorse or guilt? I think it's fair to say that we do. Or at least that we can. I don't want to continue that spiral. I see my friends and loved ones living lives of happiness, prosperity, love, and hope. All things that come with a close relationship with the Lord. A relationship I've had and explored on occasion throughout my life, but never taken the time to truly nurture and appreciate. To expand. To deepen. I've never allowed it to really enter my heart and change the behaviors that I'm not proud of. I've never allowed myself to let go and put my trust in the principles I've been taught. When I step back and look at it, I know it's because I am a proud person. A proud person who favors the opinions of the world more than that of my Heavenly Father and Savior, and even though it's hard to admit that, I know that's the first inch of the rope that I'm going to have to make to get myself out of these holes. 

     I may not know what I want to do with my life in terms of a career or where I'd like to live, but I do know that I'm not headed towards the kind of spiritual future I know I really want, and right now that's important to me. I need to go to church more often. Read the scriptures more often. Communicate with my Father in Heaven and allow the Spirit to not only guide me, but reside with me. The list of my faults, concerns, and shortcomings could surely go on much longer than I've done, but the underlying realization I've made is that I need to keep looking for ways to climb out of the holes I'm in, I need to put in the effort in all aspects of my life, and I need to keep dreaming. 

     

Yes, life is good.

 Well, I have so much to catch up on so bare with me as this post gets longer and longer, but I've been away from this blog for way too long and have so many wonderful things in my life that need to be journaled about.

To start out, let's go back to July...yes, July (I told you there's a lot I haven't had a chance to write about yet).

Sam and Bre came and spent the 4th of July in McCall with my family and we had an absolute blast! They fell in love with the town that owns my heart, and I got a chance to truly be home and show them what makes it so great. 

We enjoyed some jet skiing...

tanning...

Getting lost on the way to hiking...

Finally hiking... 

bonfires...

Badminton tournaments...

Ice Cream Alley (of course)...

 fireworks at the lake... 

and laughing until three in the morning...

SO much fun with my girls!

Then a little later on in July, Kyndra and I went to the ADAM LAMBERT concert and had an absolute blast! We had pretty good seats (although they could have possibly been better, right sister?) :]] And got some nice pictures of Orianthi (the greatest female guitarist I have EVER seen...hands down). And, of course, our boyfriend, Adam. 

We also enjoyed the Sons of Sylvia and Carrie Underwood concert this summer, which was easily one of the best performances I have ever seen in my life. She is just as good live as she is on her albums and definitely knows how to put on a good show...no wonder she's won Best Concert over and over! Plus her many wardrobe changes were fabulous as well...

We celebrated Grandpa Vaun's 80th birthday in August with several of the cousins and great-grandkids all together at the park. We had a fun time together eating good food, visiting, walking through the fish hatcheries, and celebrating grandpa!

The end of the summer was filled with more family memories being made in Brownlee with the Leedom family (of course), and me finishing up my three jobs and preparing to head back to Rexburg for my last semester of college! It's now obviously November, and I've only got a week until Thanksgiving break (which I am greatly looking forward to), and then only 3 more weeks of school after we get back. That's so crazy to think about, but I am so excited to be winding down! 

Rexburg has been good to me this last semester, however. I was extremely blessed to get some of the greatest roommates I could have possibly asked for. They're actually more like sisters than roommates, and I just love them to pieces! Sure, we have our issues and tiffs like anyone who lives together day in and day out has, but we love each other like crazy and have already created some of the funniest inside jokes and memories of my life! I really think that the Lord knew I needed Amy and Rachel in my life this last semester of school, and I have no doubt that people are placed into our lives at certain times for very specific reasons. They have taught me so much and pushed me to become a better person. We've made new friends together, laughed together, cried together, shared our testimonies and lifted each other up, made plans for our future together, gained and lost weight together :]], cuddled together, danced together, and so much more! Here's just a few pictures of our adventures...

of course we can't forget Michael and Alden...

They even convinced me to dress up for Halloween which, if you know me, is a big deal...

It's been a good last few months that's for sure! In the mean time I've been studying and trying to find time to balance life and school and church and everything else on my plate. I've been stressing about trying to figure out my future and whether or not I should go to grad school next year, but I haven't been able to really feel good about a specific program or area of study. I have, however, been talking a lot to my friend Holly Holland who I've known since we were just kids, and she's put her mission papers in and is now waiting for her call, which has gotten me thinking about whether or not I should serve a mission as well. I have plans to student teach in Boise this winter at Valivue High School, and if I do a good job I've been told I could potentially take over for the current teacher while she goes on maternity leave (which would be some good experience and money), but after the school year is over, I am highly considering going out and serving. I love the gospel and I am so grateful for the blessings and knowledge it brings into my life, and I can't think of anything greater than getting to testify of my Savior for 18 months and teach other people about what I know and love. Nothing is set in stone yet, but it is definitely something I am constantly praying about now and considering for the next couple years of my life. The Lord will help me to know where I need to be and what I should do, and I have no doubt that He knows exactly what is best for me right now. 

My life is good. I love my family and things are falling into place more and more every day. I am excited to finish up this school year and get on with the next phase of my life, but I am grateful for the great times I have been able to have this year and the people I've been able to meet and get to know. Yes, life is good.