Obsession #2

Awhile back I said I would use this journal to share different obsessions I have with those of you who read. Well, today is finally the time for confession #2:

Cary Judd...

Now, for those of you who don't know who that is, let me explain. Cary Judd is an amazing musician that I discovered by accident when I was 15 (and anyone who knows me well knows that I REALLY do not like sharing my music with people, especially new or undiscovered artists that I find.) So, needless to say, I kept this glorious discovery to myself....that is, until I moved to Rexburg for school and found out that he was LIVING IN REXBURG TOO! Since that day I have been to probably 4 or 5 concerts, own every song he's released, and even have one of his official t-shirts. He is my "feel good" music (you know, the music I can listen to in any mood and feel good about life.)

Basically I have admired and swooned over this man from afar for a good 6 years. He is not only a mind-blowing musician, but he is gorgeous.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

His eyes are the most heart stopping shade of blue I have ever seen, his smile lines make me weak in the knees, and his curly hair is absolutely adorable. Basically I would marry this man in 2 seconds if he were to ask (and no, that is not even an exaggeration.)

Last night, however, this love obsession came to a heartbreaking discovery...Cary Judd is moving to California. I know, how will I continue living? I'm not sure. So as one last hoorah before he left, Cary had a concert at my friend's local club that my good friend Camilla and I were front and center for.

I stood there watching him with butterflies in my stomach the entire time. Of course I sang along to every song and got excited when we would make momentary eye contact. Aww, it was fabulous. Pictures were (naturally) essential as well.

And after about an hour of waiting (and, I'll admit, somewhat stalker-like staring), we finally got the guts up to ask him for a picture with him to document his last concert in the Burg. It actually went a little something like:

Me: "So, Cary Judd, I won't lie, I'm really depressed that you're leaving"
Cary: "Well, start doing drugs. Drink alcohol. Whatever helps you cope"
Me: "HAHAHA I just might..I love you THAT much"
Cary: "Aw, that's sweet of you"
Me: "So can we get a picture before you leave us?"
Cary: "Of course!" (He walks over and puts his arms around us)

And then:



Aw, perfection.

It's crazy to think I randomly stumbled upon his music in high school, and now I've met him and seen him in person several times.

Here's to you Cary Judd. You continually put a smile on my face and make my heart skip a beat. Your music never gets old. I think it's safe to say I love you.

Change.

Sometimes change is necessary. Change for the better, change to something new and different, change to something that makes me the best I can be, rather than settling for less. Sometimes change feels impossible and a long way off. Sometimes change is difficult to obtain and choosing to give up appears to be indispensable.

but..

Here and now I choose to change. I choose to be happier. I choose to be pleased with the person I am. I choose to feel adequate. I choose to feel worthy. I choose to be the daughter of God I know I am. I choose to obtain the blessings I know it possible to have.

This change is a long way off. It will take time and it will take effort. It will take tears, I am sure. It will take the support of friends and loving family. It will take prayer and scripture study. It will take fasting and praying some more. Yes, it will take time.

but..

Change starts today.

this whole adult thing.

Big Decisions are being made.

I am realizing more and more everyday just how much is really expected of me since I reached adulthood...and I must say I'm not enjoying this realization. As of right now I have multiple situations for this upcoming summer to choose between, and while none are certain just yet, it's put me in one very big pickle. Luckily my parents are willing to listen to me call and vocally work through my options and dilemmas on a daily basis. I definitely love them for that. I will surely figure it out though...and perhaps someday I will get the hang of this whole 'adult' thing. That's the goal for now.

Wish me luck.

I have hope.

I have hope

I have hope that I am a good person in spite of my mistakes...

I have hope that things are going to be ok...

I have hope that what I have been raised to believe is truth...

I have hope that I can become better every day...

I have hope that those I love most know just how much I truly do love them...

I have hope that broken hearts can mend...

I have hope that I can become closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ...

I have hope that the scriptures are the truth that I believe them to be...

I believe (there is no hope in this one) prayers are heard and answered...

I have hope that I am deserving of the many blessings I am given everyday...

I have hope that there is still good in the world if we look for it...

I have hope that patience and understanding are possible and will be the things that keep me going...

I have hope that I can finish this phase of life and be successful...

I have hope that time really is a remedy for resolution...

I have hope that example speaks to hearts more than words...

Yes, I have hope.

And the bubble is popped.

You know those moments of temporary euphoria where you think something wonderful is happening, and then in a matter of (usually very little) time that hopeful and excited feeling is quite horribly slaughtered? Well, that moment is now.

This post originally had every intention of going something along the lines of:

"Everyone STOP. Pause. Don't move. Brianne currently has a 3.7 GPA for the semester and is worried that too much excitement on anybody's part may in fact scare it away so please revel in its glory, but try not to make any sudden movements."

You know, something like that.

But.
Yes, there is definitely a but in this story.

And perhaps I should have prefaced with the little tid-bit about how I have never in my life had a 3.7 GPA....ever. Well, this morning as I went to check my grades one more time....my joyful bubble fizzled into a heap of..well, popped bubble. I went down through the list of classes and grades

Ed Psych: A
Special Education: A
Africa: B
Renaissance: B
Civil War: A...wha-what? B?!
Ed principles: A...WHAT! A D?!

Yes, it's true people. 2 A's have become a B and D in a matter of days... DAYS! Really?! Naturally you can imagine that I am completely confused and, well, let's be honest here, pretty heated. Anger isn't going to get me anywhere however, and it's only the middle of the semester so there is every possibility that my beautiful 3.7 can become a reality....likely? Honesty again? Eh, probably not. But we'll aim high I suppose. It was nice while it lasted..

Confessions.

Confession: sometimes I watch the Disney channel and laugh my butt off

Confession: sometimes I come to my own blog just to listen to my music playlist

Confession: sometimes I stay up WAY too late when I know I have to wake up early the next morning because I thought of something I feel is surely too important to wait until the next day

Confession: sometimes I drink water and spill it all down the front of myself, wipe it off, and then do it again about 2 minutes later

Confession: The fact that each of these things happened tonight puts a smile on my face.

Thank you, and goodnight.

The Holidays.

Before I get into this post, I must first preface with Ahhh it feels good to be back to this place that is all mine, writing whatever I feel like talking about, and temporarily escaping the reality of my hectic life. I love this journal...

That being said, there has clearly been an extended absence between my last post and now, and I have a lot of long overdue good times that need to be shared. The first of which would be: The Holidays. I loved every second of my two weeks at home! I must say that two weeks was not enough though seeing as the days were filled with best friends and gingerbread houses, grandparents visiting, baking millions of treats, a fabulous Christmas morning, family games, bowling....ya know, I feel the many pictures are self explanatory, so without further ado...

Now, what you're about to see is what we like to call History (almost) in the making. Yes, that would be a frame of ALL (but one) STRIKES! (Sorry mom, we still love you) :]

Maddie was angry she couldn't play the adult games...

It wouldn't be a McArthur get together without a few attempts at acrobatics

And it wouldn't be Christmas (or Grandpa in general) without a little random snoozing with a book in hand.

Needless to say, it was a fabulous Christmas.
I love my family!

Everything is going to be alright.

My mom has always told me to take each day as it comes and not worry about the things that are out of my control..

As I start another semester I am once again bombarded by all the things I need to do and buy by a certain time, the reality of a serious lack of funds in my sad little college student bank account, and a schedule so jam packed I feel like I don't even have time to think anymore. In a nut shell, I am starting to feel the overwhelming challenge of stress take over (and those who know me, know that I do not handle this stress thing very well.) Regardless, I am back in Rexburg for another 3 1/2 months of studying history, history, history, education..oh yeah, and a little more history. Don't get me wrong, I love history (I better anyways since I'm now in it for the long haul) but it's definitely a major that requires reading assignments upon reading assignments and writing research papers what feels like constantly so, needless to say, I'm getting a little tired. That finish line known as 'graduation' is close, but seems to be approaching at a snails pace. Now, I realize this all sounds negative, so I should probably clarify by saying I am completely grateful to be able to receive an education at this university, and I know it will all be worth it when I am holding that diploma and teaching in my own classroom... so as for now all I can do is trudge along and take things one day at a time.

I guess the conclusion I've drawn in all of this (get ready for it mom) is that my mom is right. Things are a lot easier taken a day at a time and some things are out of our control so there's really no need to worry about them or let them get you down. Sure, I am still completely overwhelmed and constantly worrying, but everything is going to be alright...it will.

Bring it on semester.

I just love when people do things that truly show they know and care about who you are.
Last night I returned home in a bit of a tizzy from a long and stressful day of class, homework, meetings, problems with the library, work, and everything else that is crazy and inclusive in finals week. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I also knew my visiting teachers were supposed to come and that I was late so I rushed inside, and to my great surprise, there on the table, was the most magnificent and beautiful cake I have ever seen. Our visiting teachers have been so great to us this semester, and they definitely took the time to show us they were listening as we so often ranted and raved about our love for both Michael Jackson and Red Velvet cake since they COMBINED THE TWO! It is so delicious and we were a little sad to have to cut it up so we had to take pictures to document the occasion before we did so. Mmmm, perfection.

Here we go a caroling.

Tonight we had a ward closing social planned that I honestly was not even remotely looking forward to. This social consisted of caroling door to door in 3 degree weather for canned goods to donate to the Idaho Foodbank. I was not excited in the least, but I knew as a last hoo-rah before the semester ended (and as FHE mom) I should go. So after sufficiently bundling up in 6 layers of sweaters and jackets, leggings under my jeans, and a fuzzy hat not unlike Elmer Fudd's, we ended up having a great time! We were laughing and dancing and bonding with our FHE sisters (since the guys copped out on us) and in the end were rewarded with a nice warm Christmas dinner with the ward and actually won a gargantuan bag of Starbursts for collecting the most food (118 pieces all together to be exact). It was cold, yes, but it was very worth it. Passing along the Christmas spirit was a boost to both the people we sang to and ourselves. I love this holiday season and the happiness that is in the air everywhere you go!